Promise.

“…being fully convinced that God was able to do what God had promised.” – Romans 4:21

Most intimate relationships begin with an abiding trust between two parties. Rarely, do marriages, families, and friendships set out from the place of, “I’ll stay with this until something better comes along, or something better finds me and lures me away.” Yet, because of our human nature, our tendency towards self-absorption to the exclusion of other’s concerns, relationships endure conflict inevitably. These experiences are painful and heartbreaking. Sin doing what sin does, harms our relationship with ourselves, others, the God who made us, and the world that God made. Our negative, inner voice tells us that we may be unlovable. We doubt and wonder, “will they still love me if I am unlovable?”

Our broken nature affirms that negative voice with our siblings in Christ when we become the perpetuation of that cycle of suffering instead of its alleviation. When we doubt our loveliness, we tend towards scarcity and project our harmful self-image, instead of the divine, grace-filled image, on each other. It continues on, generation after generation, relationship after relationship. Is there a way out of this cycle of harm that we exact upon each other? As one of my favorite duos once sang, “Can’t we stop hurting each other…making each other cry…tearing each other apart… without ever knowing why?”

In the play, “By the Skin of Our Teeth,” by Thorton Wilder, at a place of conflict between the main characters, Mr. and Mrs. Antrobus, there were significant doubts about their future together. Mr. Antrobus was asking a similar question when he was feeling unlovable. His spouse reassures him, saying, “I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because you loved me. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise that I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage.”

Promises transform us into new people. They give us a new identity, as we are not alone, but connected. Promises bring the power to offer hope and healing in an otherwise disappointing and damaging reality. The promise that God enfleshed in Jesus transforms this world. When human beings fall short of fully giving and receiving love in their unloveliness, God remains faithful, and answers the terrifying question, “Will you still love me when I am unlovable?” with the grace-filled answer, “Yes. You are mine. I love you without condition.” The divine gifts received in that promise heals us and frees us from the cycles of harm that we have created for ourselves and others. The promise forms us into new creations and pulls us out of our inward gazing.  The promise wakes us to see the divine image, the divine promise, in all that God has made, in all whom God made. In this transformation, this conversion, we live by faith in the promise and remember. Remember that we have been, are now, and will be loved in our imperfection, in our unloveliness. God’s promise perfects.